Self-pity causes us to see ourselves as better than we really are. We tend to think of self-pity as thinking too poorly of ourselves, but the opposite is true. We are thinking too highly of ourselves. Self-pity is a preoccupation with self. Because it is birthed from the “pride” family of sins, it comes with a sense of entitlement. This is revealed each time we are denied something we believe we deserve, or when we receive something we don’t believe we deserve.
Jonah’s conversation with God in the 4th chapter of his prophecy reveals this clearly. He had been denied what he really wanted to see – a front row seat to the destruction of Nineveh. He entered the city from the west; courtesy is submarine ride through the Mediterranean Sea. His message was simple: “Forty days and Nineveh shall be overthrown.” A few days later he exited the city through their East gate, climbed a mountain and sat down to watch the destruction. Only one problem: the people of Nineveh repented. And God, being true to his character, showed mercy. The destruction was called off. This angered Jonah; because he thought the people of Nineveh deserved to be destroyed. Check out the conversation,
But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry. And he prayed to the LORD and said, “O LORD, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster. Therefore now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.” And the LORD said, “Do you do well to be angry?” (Jonah 4:1-4)
Jonah knew the character of God. He appreciated second chances when they were extended to him; he just didn’t believe the people of Nineveh deserved the same deal. God saw it differently.
In the hot desert winds God showed Jonah grace again. He appointed a plant to grow up and provide shade for Jonah’s aching head. Jonah must have smiled. He liked God’s grace when it was directed towards him. You get the impression he thought he deserved it. But grace is never deserved, so the next day God appointed a hungry worm. The plant could not survive the worm’s appetite. Jonah’s cabana was gone. He was angry again, but God’s grace lesson wasn’t over. God sent a wind from the east. To avoid the sand in his eyes, Jonah would have to turn back to the West, and stare at the city of people he didn’t think deserved God’s grace.
Self-pity pours from this chapter. Jonah was angry at everything and everyone. He complained incessantly. Twice he declared he’d be better off dead than alive. Beneath the surface of Jonah’s self-pity you hear his sense of entitlement.
He deserves grace for his wrong choices.
He deserves shade for his aching head.
He deserves to watch the destruction of his enemies.
He deserves, deserves, deserves. And when he doesn’t get what he deserves he mires down in self-pity. Sadly the book bearing his name ends right there – with Jonah staring at God’s grace, but unwilling to grant it.
His life is a vivid reminder of the suffocating isolation that self-pity brings.